I’m really concerned. I’ve spoken to 3 women in the last week who are super confused about the men in their life. Women are asking me for advice on how to keep a man that is really not showing any interest in being with them long term, because they are so afraid of losing someone that in fact, they never really had.

Most women have a blind-spot when it comes to men. They have no idea why they are getting the same results of one failed relationship after the other. One particular lady was truly convinced that getting out more, dating and meeting more and more men, until she meets the ‘right one’ will solve all her problems. What’s ironic is that she has been dating for the last 10 years, working really hard at meeting ‘him’.

Whilst I commend her tenacity and will to keep on going, even after 10 years of being mostly single and dating the wrong men, I have some bad news…

These frustrating and downright disappointing scenarios where he says one thing and does the total opposite will never change by just meeting more men. How can doing more of the same provide a different result?

If a man is unwilling to meet your basic needs in the beginning of a relationship then he is not your man.

I’m talking about needs such as feeling secure and knowing that you can trust him. Yes that is a basic need and you have the right to feel secure in a relationship.

The need to be treated like his one and only instead of him dating other women or staying in touch with an ex just in case she wants to make a comeback.

The need to be treated and called his girlfriend instead of taking it slow to see how it goes and not wanting to ‘label’ things right now.

If he doesn’t take you seriously and he doesn’t want to meet your basic relationship needs right now – I promise you, he is not going to do it a month or year from now either.

The only way to change this pattern is to do the internal work. No amount of dating or meeting more men will solve what you are dealing with. Until you deem yourself worthy of love and being loved unconditionally, the way you want to be loved – nothing will change.