Let me guess. When it comes to dating and relationships you are the one initiating interactions with the men you like. You never know where you stand with a guy, so you ask him out but his answer leaves you feeling even more confused.

In an effort to make him see you, you give of yourself relentlessly, trying so hard to make him happy, yet you get nothing back.

He doesn't put in any effort, or he disappears.

This leaves you wondering what you could have done differently. Why what you had to offer wasn’t good enough.

I remember the highs and lows of dating. Finding an amazing guy that made my heart skip a beat.

And I would do everything within my power to make him like me more.

I would be easy going. When I disagreed about something I would keep it to myself.

And I’d tell my friends about this amazing guy I met. I would stalk him on social media.

Then I wouldn’t hear from him and realise that it was all in my head.

I would secretly wonder what was wrong with me. Why didn’t he choose me?

A recent research study revealed that the average woman kisses 15 men, will endure four dating disasters and be stood up at least once before she meets the man of her dreams.

Nearly a decade after my divorce, with WAY too many dating disasters to mention, I clearly was an ABOVE AVERAGE woman.

The harder I worked at it, the less I got what I wanted and needed.

I kept telling myself that I just need to keep going at it and eventually I would find ‘the one’.

Work harder. Get out there. Meet more men.

Accommodate his schedule. Meet at a mutually convenient place.  Listen and be impressed by his accolades. Sometimes even sleep with him to make him stay…

I was secretly so scared that I would spend the rest of my life alone and never have anybody special to share life with.

The truth is that even though I rationally knew I had so much to offer, at a deeply subconscious level I felt flawed. Like I wasn’t good enough. Not worthy enough of an amazing partner.

That energy leaked into my interactions with men. It made me come across as needy and ‘less than’.  

Nothing would change unless I changed how I felt about myself.

The way to get a guy to choose you it to start focusing on you!

I know, this is NOT what you thought was going to get you into a relationship with an amazing man is it?!

When I stopped putting my focus on men and started to focus on myself –

* I stepped into complete self-love and fully grasping my self-worth

* I stopped pretending and instead tapped into my authenticity. I unapologetically got to be the real me

* This translated into clear boundaries which meant having my needs met

* I stopped working so hard at dating and instead leaned into my feminine power and allowed love to find me

* I attracted quality, commitment-minded men into my life

* Men started choosing me

* I found my husband!

In short - in order for a man to choose you, you need to choose yourself first.