You are reading this dating advice because dating isn’t easy. Whether you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while or you’ve been doing it for ages and are feeling frustrated and exhausted by the entire dating experience.
As your Dating Coach and Relationship Coach, I’m here to show you that dating can be a pleasant experience and that it really shouldn’t be all that hard if you do it right and are willing to follow my dating advice.
To help you through it all, I am going to introduce you to my Smart Dating Process™. It’s a process I have developed to help make dating easy for my Dating Coach clients and to help you navigate through the stages of dating without being disappointed or getting hurt, but most importantly to help you end up on the other side of this long, dark tunnel with your dignity intact.
Here is the first and most important dating advice I have to offer: You need to appreciate that dating is the culmination of a screening process. Many singles (in error) view dating as a process where they go to meet someone to see if they are compatible or if there is a connection. This is a waste of valuable time!
It’s time consuming, emotionally draining and quite frankly soul destroying to dress up, put on your best personality, get to the venue and then spend the next hour with someone that you have absolutely nothing in common with.
The good news is that there is a more intelligent way to go about this. My Smart Dating Process™ has 4 stages:
4. Dating Exclusively
There is no secret formula to stage 1: You need to find people to date. There are generally three ways to find a date: Through your network, socially or by making use of a dating service. To do this successfully you need to follow the following dating advice:
• build a strong network
• create a social life that inspires your love life
• select the right type of dating service for you
Ask me how to do this.
Make sure that you source your dates from all three methods. If you keep drawing from the same pool, you are going to find the same type of people there. If you vary where you are finding your potential love interests from, you substantially increase your chance of success.
Screening is the most crucial stage of the Smart Dating Process™. You need to get really, really good at eliminating people that don’t meet your basic compatibility criteria before actually spending any time on a date with them.
The trick is to get really skilled at eliminating unwanted finds, without making it too obvious. The last thing you want to do is ramble down a list of questions making sure he is marriage material, has good genes and is looking to have children.
There is a technique I teach my Dating Coach clients that does this in a lighthearted way, without the other person realising what it is that you’re up to. At the same time positioning yourself as fun and having a genuine desire to get to know people.
Only once you’ve screened the individual for compatibility does the courting process start.
The definition of dating seems to be misunderstood by most: Dating is merely two grown-ups that are in agreement that they are meeting each other (and other grown-ups) for social encounters to evaluate their options. It’s a fun night out with a potential friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. It can’t be anything to the contrary as you don’t know each other at this stage.
The sooner you leave your expectations at home, the sooner you are going to start enjoying the dating process. Give people a break. Remember that that they weren’t designed to fit your mould of who or what they should be and act like. That’s absurd!
Your expectations place unnecessary tension on the date and if the experience isn’t lighthearted and fun you will kill any chance of feeling a connection or chemistry.
The next tip I am going to give you is probably the most important dating advice you will ever read: Do not invest emotionally into liking anyone until that person has earned it by investing in you too. It is counterproductive to fall head over heels for someone, then try do everything in your power to make them like you back. This never works!
You need to date lots of people at the same time until you meet someone who would like to commit to you. There is no use in committing yourself to someone in the hope that they will come by at some stage.
This means you can quite easily and without feeling guilty date 10 or more people at any given point in time. This doesn’t mean that the person you are dating needs to know when your next night out with someone else is. It’s really none of their business until he or she makes it their business.
4. Dating Exclusively
It is important to differentiate between Dating and Dating Exclusively as this is the major reason so many people get hurt. In the 4th Stage of dating it means that neither of you are seeing nor dating other people. You can never assume that you are Dating Exclusively, even if you have become physical. Monogamy is only guaranteed if you both agree to it. This conversation should always be initiated by the guy.
Contact me to find out more about implementing the Smart Dating Process™ for greater dating success and for more dating advice.